“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” ~ Arnold BennettAbout 2 months ago we left our church of 14 years. Looking back now, though I didn't want to accept it at the time, I can admit that it seemed as if we were being directed out about 6 months before we actually left. Maybe even longer before that. Though we had not come to a final decision and had wanted to keep the door open, the door was shut once we voiced what we were contemplating. Perhaps this was for the best, especially since we were hesitant. We had stuck it out through so many low points over the years. We all survived a lot of tough things together. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, to stick it out, and I have no regrets for that. I read recently that sometimes God allows adversity to get you to make a move. I know that to be true!
During the time of contemplating leaving, which was something I NEVER EVER thought we'd do, I had a strange experience. I was supposed to meet a bunch of women at the church one evening for a new book study group. I arrived in the parking lot which was vacant. I thought it was strange to find no one there yet as it was supposed to start in 5 minutes, but decided to wait 15 minutes. I figured it would be a good place to take time to continue to pray for direction. The bizarre thing was as I looked at the church, for the first time ever, it didn't feel like my church anymore. It felt like someone else's church, and like I was on someone else's property. I decided to pray for the church, for it's blessing and that it be nurtured etc., and as I did, I felt like I was praying for someone else's community. This felt very weird. I ended up leaving since no one ever showed up. I couldn't help but take that as a sign.
I spent the next 2 days feeling like I was in mourning. Would this mean all the relationships, whether old or new or yet to come, would now be doomed? I had to decide that any relationships that were meant to be bigger than any one church couldn't be defined by that one church. I had to take the risk. All I can do now is pray that any relationships that are meant to exist outside of it's walls will indeed flourish in their own time at their own pace. Relationships cannot come before you or your family's spiritual well-being. We needed a change and only in the leaving did we realize how desperately that change was needed and how good it was and has been for us.
God was good through the decision making, as hard as it was. He was faithful to give us more and more clarity as the weeks went on. It's been a rough road. Things were said to us on our way out that brought both shock and pain, but even this was another way to make things more clear to us. Some one recently told us it's as if we're bruised. I know we're healing though.
Unlike many these days, who leave a church to go no where, we very quickly found ourselves jumping right into another community (of the same denomination). This was in part due to a dream I had back in the spring, and our desire to stay in the Vineyard. Many people there are people we "did church with" many years prior. Though we'd been apart for a decade or more, it was like coming home. The first few Sundays I would get teary-eyed because I was so grateful to be there. It's funny how you can come to think that what you long for doesn't exist. Sometimes it does.
Its felt like a great big present that we've only just begun to unwrap. We're already part of an amazing homegroup that is just one street over from us. We're very quickly bonding to the people we've only just met. They are very much kindred spirits. Like us, they aren't perfect, but they want the same things we do.
I feel like I've walked into a whole new world, a place where I've never been. Parts of it challenge me, and exposes my unbelief. I've never experienced a church quite like it. It's stirred things in me that have been asleep for many years. I feel more free, like I've been released from a stall. I'm grateful for my kids, oh so grateful. The first Sunday we went, my kids instantly wanted to go back the next Sunday. My 16 year old son loved how they turned down the lights for worship, and had candles burning. Heck, I like that too, it makes worship feel more intimate and you feel less self-conscious. There are a lot of youth, so I'm sure that's a draw for my kids also. They love a whole lot of others things too.
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. I know I often groan over long posts. I guess I'm making up for lost time!
I'll end with saying that we pray for God's blessings on the church we've moved on from. I've left there different from when I arrived. I'm leaving more equipped and more wise. I will never regret having been a part of it for as long as I did.
